Reconnect with your child
Can you be sure that your child tells you exactly what they need? When was the last time this even happened? Have you made space for this to happen regularly?
4/5/20262 min read
Most parents assume that their child opens up to them about the things that matter to them most. They may even confuse open conversations, laughs, and jokes as signs that their child shares their deepest thoughts and concerns with them. But this is simply a massive assumption.
Children will do their best to make you feel that everything is okay. Let's be honest, even as adults, how often do we feel that we're in the right headspace to discuss something that troubles us? Consider how a lot of us function this way even though we have way more tools than children to express and regulate ourselves.
With children, you have to meet the necessary conditions to help them open up. You have to build the trust that is necessary for such an exchange.
Here are 3 ways you can do this:
Here are 3 ways you can do this:
1) Create low-pressure moments, not interrogations
Children rarely open up when they feel they’re being questioned. Direct questions like “How was your day?” often lead to automatic, surface-level answers. Instead, focus on shared, low-pressure moments—car rides, walks, or doing something side by side. These are the spaces where children feel less “on the spot” and more in control. Silence is also powerful. If you’re comfortable with it, your child will be too. Often, what they don’t say immediately matters just as much as what they eventually do.
2) Respond, don’t react
One of the biggest reasons children hold back is fear of how adults will respond. If a child senses shock, anger, or disappointment, they quickly learn to filter what they share. Your role is to regulate your reaction—even when what you hear is difficult. This doesn’t mean you ignore poor behaviour; it means you prioritise understanding first. A calm response communicates: “You are safe to be honest with me.” Over time, this builds a pattern where honesty feels easier than hiding.
3) Show them how to express, not just that they should
Telling a child to “talk about their feelings” isn’t enough if they don’t have the language or awareness to do so. Model it yourself. Say things like, “I felt frustrated today because…” or “I was nervous before that meeting.” This normalises emotional expression and gives them a framework to follow. The more they see emotions being named and handled calmly, the more capable they become at doing it themselves.
Ultimately, children don’t open up because they’re told to—they open up because they feel safe enough to.